The satire is loud. The calculation is deliberately boring.
Only confirmed, economically meaningful $REGRET sells with HIGH-confidence wallet attribution. Dust, routers, the curve, pool, hook, factory, fee escrow, buyback vault, liquidity operations and graduation internals are excluded.
The curve adapter listens to verified CurveBuy and CurveSell events emitted by the token’s PonsV2BondingCurve. The event explicitly indexes buyer or seller and recipient. Execution price is quoteIn ÷ tokensOut for buys and quoteOut ÷ tokensIn for sells.
PoolGraduated fixes the lifecycle boundary. The V4 adapter follows Swap on Robinhood Chain’s shared PoolManager, restricted to the exact pool ID reconstructed from token, pair asset, fee, tick spacing and the verified PONS hook. Wallet attribution requires transaction and transfer-flow evidence; PoolManager sender alone is not enough.
The court uses a 15-minute quote-volume weighted average: Σ(price × quote volume) ÷ Σ(quote volume). A configurable minimum quote volume rejects easily manipulated windows. With insufficient volume, the last reliable sample is used and marked STALE EVIDENCE.
Current regret multiple = current reliable price ÷ volume-weighted sell execution price. Estimated current regret = max(0, sold tokens × price difference). Estimated avoided loss uses the inverse difference. Core figures stay in the quote asset; USD is optional.
The indexer publishes only after the configured confirmation depth. On restart it rewinds the checkpoint, verifies stored block hashes, deletes orphaned derived records and deterministically replays. If lag exceeds the health threshold, the UI says DELAYED—not LIVE.
| RELIABLE PRICE / SELL PRICE | VERDICT |
|---|---|
| ≤ 0.50X | Escape Artist |
| 0.50–1.49X | Jury Still Out |
| 1.50–1.99X | Paper Cut |
| 2.00–4.99X | Certified Paper Hands |
| 5.00–9.99X | Generational Fumble |
| ≥ 10.00X | Eternal Regret |
New sells remain “Jury Still Out” for the configured minimum age even if a transient price immediately crosses a threshold.